The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

For many of my Argentine Tango friends, dancing in an all-nighter (yes, we get together and dance all the way till the sun comes up) is a no-brainer. We get together, in the hopes of listening to ecstatic Tango music that is going to:-

a) inspire us to dance all night
b) inspire us to pair up with partners who are also inspired to dance all night
c) inspire both of us to dance well
d) create those sweet moments of total forgetfulness, absolute surrender, and union with music, dance and partner

Alright, now most of us know that what I just described is a dream that DOES COME TRUE sporadically. More realistically this is probably what runs through most women's minds:-

a) (Big smile on face) I hope he asks me to dance.
b) (Looking seriously occupied) I hope he doesn't ask me to dance.
c) Hmmm... what was that move he did that I soo couldn't follow (followed by an attempt to "correct" our presumed mistake that leads to more confusion ending in a moment of complete stopage and akward weight-shifting, initiated by the leader)
d) Oooh, was that a Tango moment? Cos that really felt good! I wonder if he felt it too. And should I say something about that. OR will he think I am just being a total goof? Ooops... Ok, Ok, I should really be paying attention to my lead instead of dreaming. Breathe in, connect again, and away we go.

And what do men think... I don't really know. Help me out here guys. You don't have to tell us what runs through YOUR mind. All we want to hear is the gossip.

Back to my dancing experience. It was a strange night because I only had "The Goods" and "The Uglies." Surprisingly there were no "The Bads" and certainly no in betweens. So I would literally swing from having a great connected dance, that was incredibly yummy and musical, straight to one that was physically uncomfortable and rather torturous. This experience is very different from many of the other milongas I have been to, in that I have become accustomed to a fairly flat course (having decent but not explosive dances) throughout the night, with a few peaks and valleys.

So needless to say, the night left me with rich and raw emotions. I was swinging from swooning over my perfect D'Agostino/Vargas Tanda to feeling sadly frustrated for dancing Laurenz (one of my favorites) with a young man who was desperately trying to lead me in skull embrace [I am sure many of you have experienced this one].

I found myself see-sawing between feeling absolutely taken care of on the dance floor and feeling tossed around by my oblivious leader. So my experiment for the night was to find my center everytime I ended a Tanda so that I wouldn't bring too much of my previous dance into the next one. It was challenging! For example, I found myself feeling off-axis and non-trusting of some of my favorite leaders, just because I had just finished dancing with an inconsiderate leader.

I wonder how many of my friends have experienced similar situations on the dance floor. All I can say is that this intense experience allowed me to quickly identify my triggers and my comfort-zones. And with the continued flip-flop of situations, I could never rest in any emotion but constantly remind myself to stay present to the moment.

The end result was that I had a beautiful, rich, and pleasant night, eventhough I had experienced very uncomfortable moments. OK - it helped that I ended the night with an ecstatic dance:-) At the same time, my experiment of trying to keep coming back to my center, no matter what, did pay off! I did manage to take away something from every dance I had, instead of dismissing some as completely unnecessary and a total waste of time.

So there you have it - once again Tango is a metaphor for life, living, and communicating with people. Have I mentioned how much I am addicted to this dance form;-)

Natya Lila

So I begin.

I searched and prayed and hoped that I would somehow be able to dedicate my life to dance. I have danced since I was four. I have performed since I was four. As a budding artist, dancing my first solo Bharathanatyam performance in Singapore, I knew this is my calling - my purpose in this lifetime.

So I begin.

I am being given an opportunity and a gift. I can, if I work hard enough, teach, perform, and dance as much as I want to. With such an offer, I chose not to return to my present home . I took leave of one of my closest friends at the airport, after a vacation. He returned home to tell all our friends that I "might" not return in the near future. I remained in this new space of possibility, creativity, and the unknown.

So the Lila ("play") begins.

I stay with my teacher now until more information unveils before our eyes. I dance, I learn, I register the joy that overwhelms me with every movement of my muscle to this age old dance tradition of mine. I cry and feel the pangs of loneliness for my community - the friends and beautiful souls who have nurtured, nourished, and supported me for all these years. I live completely - in a way I have never done before.

And now begins Natya Lila (Dance at Play).

This "lila," this play of love, passion, excitement, and the future of a soul's desire to completely live out its purpose, has finally started. I embark on this journey with the love, support, and understanding of all those who keep me close to their hearts. I am blessed to have you walk with me, as far away as you may be. I rejoice and weep knowing that you all mean so much to me.

So stay with me. Read. And be part of this lila called my life as long as you want to.